July 5, 2016 WWJWMTD by Steve the son of John

Prophetic Words We Are Afraid to Say…

Series #1: A Victorious Filled Life in Marriage

There is a book I read many years ago titled, Things We Couldn’t Say by Diet Eman. This book impacted my life and should be in everyone’s personal library. It is a true story of Diet Eman, a young Dutch woman, who with her fiancé, Hen Sietsma, risked everything to rescue imperiled Jews in Nazi occupied Holland during World War II. Throughout the war years Diet and Hein aided the Dutch Resistance, their courage would cost Diet her Freedom and Heim his life. This is a story of tragedy, character, and healing.

The Holy Spirit keeps reminding me to write to help and encourage others, not to just write creatively, i.e. to give God the glory and not seek any recognition for myself. This is hard to do in today’s culture and the demands of academia. This new series, Prophetic Words We Are Afraid to Say… follows in the steps of the book, Things We Couldn’t Say. I hope these words will challenge you, make you stronger and wiser, and determined to see God’s will be done on earth while living a life full of peace, joy, and righteousness.

Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family stated, “If enough pressure is placed on the best marriages, they will break.” How good is your marriage? How much pressure is your marriage experiencing? Is it at a turning point or breaking point? Any marriage can fail! I believe that there is an attack on marriages that is greater than we have experienced in the past.

I have noticed that many groups have recently been giving advice and resources toward making marriages healthy and strong. Alonna and I have felt attacks on our marriage over the years, sometimes in the most unusual ways. We often had to depend on each other to endure hardships and wicked people in order to survive.

I do not know if this is due to what is about to take place and God is telling all of us to get our marriages and houses in order or that the attacks have begun. In either case, we need to be vigilant and committed to our marriages. This leads me to biblical insight into what God says about marriage.

ü Jesus was talking to men and said, “Because of the hardness of your hearts men, God allowed you to divorce your wife but this was never God’s purpose.” In other words, men you could divorce your wife not for your sake but rather for your wife’s sake so she might find a marriage where she is loved, since you no longer love her by hardening your heart against her. But this is not God’s best or purpose for any marriage. God wants our love to stay strong and enduring.

ü Jesus said only for adultery should a couple be divorced. Also, Jesus said, that one does not have to commit the act of adultery only but to "commit adultery in one’s heart"—both are the same, Jesus stated. With that in mind, every marriage now has grounds for divorced for all people have committed sexual unfaithfulness, because adultery can be a heart response not just an act experience. Is the act of adultery an option for divorce only if one does is multiple times, maybe with many people, or was Christ talking about a person who no longer wants to have sex with their spouse but with someone else? Can the denied spouse now get a divorce? Is sexual commitment and faithfulness that important to God? (Paul said, “Do not let Satan get an advantage in your marriage by not having sex.”)

ü BUT, how about when couples get old and sex is no longer an option or if something happens to a spouse mentally or physically making sex impossible or if a couple cannot have any children (naturally)? We know that divorce is never an option in these circumstances.

ü Not all marriages are ‘marriages in the Lord’ as Paul stated. Many people get married for a variety of reasons and getting ‘married in the Lord’ is rare, not the norm. Your motive(s) for marriage is just as important as the act of marriage. Do not think just because you got married in a church, in front of your family and friends, or with your statement of vows that you have a ‘marriage in the Lord’. A marriage in the Lord is much more than that!

ü God planned before the beginning of time for every man and woman to be married. He indeed has enough grace to keep and enrich individuals that do not get married, but that is not God’s first choice. God has a mate for every person and marriage can be found and created only in Christ. It will not be easy staying married and all marriages will have problems, but Christ has created a way for all marriages to make it. Marriage is a 24/7 job—remember this!

ü Are there legitimate reasons for divorce? How about abuse or violence or corruption within a marriage? Should one endure fear, intimidation or hatefulness? I do not think so. Nevertheless, divorce should never be about ‘not being in love anymore’ or ‘I am no longer fulfilled in my marriage’ or ‘we no longer are attracted to each or have things in common’. To me these are frivolous excuses.

ü People change every seven years in many ways, and because of these changes marriages are under pressure to change as the husband and wife go through their changes. A ‘marriage in the Lord’ takes into account these unseen changes and realizes that one’s marriage will look different every seven years.

ü Couples need to understand what is the basic weakness for each spouse within their marriage— everyone’s marriage. For the husband it is, “to love your wife as much as you love yourself” and to realize that he can and ought to love his wife with every emotion, character trait, and verbal abilities he has, all the time no matter what. The wife is, “to honor and respect her husband” in every circumstance. Any good man has a big ego and if a woman does not realize that and give room for the man to exercise his manly-hood by being a standup-man then she will destroy her husband and any chance for a marriage in the Lord. The lack of these two traits destroys marriages more than any other reason or circumstance.

There is much more I can say about a Marriage in the Lord but what is critical to understand is that our marriages are under attack and that God offers enough grace to secure and endure our relationships. Yes, Jesus is more than enough for us all!

Here are some resources for keeping your marriage strong and/or making your marriage a ‘Marriage in the Lord’:

Joyce Meyer’s teachings—check out her website or any of her books www.joycemeyer.org.

Promise Keepers has many resources to assist men in their marriages and has recently been issuing articles and timely insights to keep men on track with serving God and loving their wives. promisekeepers.org.

Billy Graham has many resources and new insights for young marriages. You will find these resources helpful, timely, and practical. www.billygraham.org.

WWJWMTD

Dr. Steven J. Wentland www.wwjwmtd.com

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